This photo I took is a collage I made depicting what anxiety feels like. I wrote a piece about what it’s like living with it. The girl is in the hands of her controller.
I really hope what I write resonates with folks so they don’t feel as on their own with it. So here it is. My little take on severe anxiety.
The light grew dim around me, faltering and stunted.
I could feel him coming for me, his sharp finger slowly drags across me. In its wake I begin to part in tiny fractures. The holding place for the dark that takes root. Flourishing where I used to be.
A quickening of fear bleeds out. Anxiety is a beguiling enemy. Insidious in its attack he comes close. The dance he executes engulfed me. Calculated in its choreography and black to the underbelly I sway with him and fall.
Lost to him, he follows me, nurturing and watering my darkness with a steady trickle of despair and fronds grow.
He fills my head, malignant and all-consuming.
Like a jealous, controlling lover he blunts my need for human connection. He lays with me at night and enters me, taking his fill of my sleep, violating my thoughts with worry and fear and unstoppable doubt; curdling my dreams until they’re spilt and ruined into my pillow.
— Carmen Scott