I don’t like the word struggled but that’s what I have done over 20 plus years, if not longer.

Having managed myself, by hiding and closing in for a very long time. This included family, social and work. I don’t do nights out, I don’t like being at events where even when I am with family and friends. I get to a time and then my mind takes me over and I start to build up my stressing notions.

I have worked with every type of person in the fitness industry and health/exercise referalls of medical condition and mental health. I was “happiest”. In reality I was broken and I didn’t know/want to be fixed as I know what needs to be done.

This state came from early childhood. Around the age of 6/8yrs I drowned in a nearby river and fortunately I was pulled and recussed by a neighbour. Then roll forward to age 18 or so and spent 8months trying to recover from injury, which ultimately meant I no longer played competitive sport.

Tragically this allowed me to mask my self and block my emotions, which until today I am still learning to allow and feel them.

Everyone has tragedy, which for me was a few family members passing over a short period of 5yrs or so.

My father passed in Jan 2002, then my daughter was born only around 5 weeks later. Even to this day I cried for a few mins when he passed in hospital and then when my daughter was born. She is the only child out of the 3 we have that I cried when born.

Roll forward to 18th Feb 2018 and I was at one of my lowest points personally, socially and professionally. I was on the verge of allowing myself to rip my world apart but being the person I am I weighed every solution akin to Dr Strange in Infinity Wars. The only reasonable action was the one where I didn’t win. In front of my partner I cried and asked in pain for help.

The next day was a salvation day, reconnection and day where I was asked would like to make an appointment for a few days or see someone today…. No I need to see and speak with someone today. I need to find the help and listen and use that help.

Role forward 5 months later I return to work, still learning to be human and accept who I am. I have always seeked to help others but now I am free and willing to talk about the path I have walked. I am willing to have people ask me anything and be if needed stark to the truth of my darkness, as this is salvation towards my beliefs and trust of be me.

— David Mccallum



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