✨ Slipping Out Of Reality ✨
I’ve held off on sharing this for a few weeks because it felt like it wasn’t the right time and I was still doing a lot of processing of what happened. Now feels like a better time, still an uncomfortable stretch and moment of vulnerability though.
Over the last month or so, I have talked a bit about my experience dealing with psychosis (audio, visual, and tactile) which lead to me taking medication for the first time. It’s olanzapine and it’s been honestly really difficult to come to terms with that, which I know is a common struggle from speaking with others and hearing their stories, but now I know from first-hand experience.
The core of this is from about 2 days of intense psychosis where I essentially got pulled into a whole different reality, which lead and convinced me to almost take my own life with a suicide attempt, my first and only. It wasn’t (and still isn’t) something I wanted to do, yet the reality of these hallucinations brought me right to the edge. I’m endlessly grateful to myself for not going through with it and it’s only been in the last week or two that it’s dawned on me the possible consequences of those actions.
After the 2nd day, I took myself to the emergency after a recommendation from my therapist of a mental health specific center and spent one night there, another first.
I’ve been told it came from massive amounts of stress (recent physical sickness, global pandemic, losing almost all my work and income, etc.) along with marijuana use. I was doing great right before this. I’ve also been told that it’s much more common than you think and not just the stereotypical person you see speaking to themselves on the street. So I’m here to help break the stigma, as I break it down in my own mind.
I’m grateful for all the professional support that I’ve received. I’m grateful for my family and friends who reached out with love and support to help over these last weeks. I’m grateful that I’ve already done so much work to know the right tools and habits to help me get back on track so quickly.
It’s still a process and there’s a lot of new experiences to navigate with this, however I know that a lot of insights, lessons and good will come from it. I’ve already received lots of messages that each time I’ve shared my thoughts on medication has helped others, and that’s what this space is about. It’s for stories like this, so we can all feel less alone and more understanding of all aspects of our mental health — even the scariest parts… I’m grateful to be back to this reality now ✨and to you for reading and ‘listening’. ❤️
— Bryce Evans