My path to finding out

Why oh Why? Why me? …not saying that someone else should carry this disease.Years ago the less I understood about this disease, the more I moan about my fate. Feeling sorrowful about myself. Lost and scared.

Then started to read about the illness book by book and trying to find a way thought by thought. Slowly (during years) I felt that this is my path to finding out about myself. Getting to know who I am. Decided that I will not be bitter about my life although the adversity has often been more then I can handle. I think my pain is my mind telling me to listen, to pay attention. I feel it’s all about how I see and feel myself with respect to the outer world.

I can look at myself and be proud of what I accomplished. In the past, I needed for almost everything I did, insurance from the people around me that I was doing the right thing, that I was good enough (and I never felt I did get enough insurance).
I’m starting to feel that my own judgment is enough. Being loyal to my values and letting my values lead the way I act is sufficient.

My 13-year-old son took this photo of me a week ago. It was his own wish to make this pic. I feel so endlessly happy to be seen by my son and secondly I can look at me and be proud of myself.

There are times when I almost feel happy about my illness. With it comes my ability to live in the moment and feel. To see what I have and value it.

 

— Peter Engberg

 

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The One Project is a community of passionate creatives, advocates and caring friends or family members working to support each other and change the conversation around issues like depression and anxiety with the therapeutic power of photography.

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