Circle of hell

I call it the circle of hell.

I rehearse all the possible negative outcomes of most things in my mind all day. I practice the lines. My body clutches and my mind races to the deepest darkest corners of my fears. If it never happens, it has probably taken a toll on me already in some way. If it actually happens, it isn’t the first time Ive experienced it or the feelings that come with it. I’ve ran through them over and over, it might be the first time but it’s actually the tenth time that such awful event has played in my head. It’s death, it’s an accident, it’s failure, it’s pain, it’s being mocked and lied to. I’ve experienced the tortuous cycle for far too long and some days it is as if its bitter toxic debris still rippled through my veins.

I’ve chased ghosts all day in the circle of hell.

If you ever see them, send them away.

— Mariana